roots

what is lucky for my son is that he has 2 parents present in his life that love him and encourage him in his dreams whatever they may be at the time. from his father he can trace his ancestors far, to King Kamehameha and some Moloka'i princess but the type of ancestors is not the point here, just that he is able to trace back far. he has roots and they are solid, deep and strong, on his fathers side. 

i have no roots. i have no father and my mother is gone. i was born in one country, raised in another and live in a location far from where i grew up and far from my immediate family. there's talk about a great grand father that was a judge from Spain and a grandfather that gambled and played polo. i say that there's Mayan blood in my family, how could there not be, i spoke Mayan as a child and the blood is all mixed up in those countries. from my side his roots are words and thoughts, so light that they can easily be blown away like a birthday candle extinguished on a cake.

sometimes i long for roots so i can be known, so my spirit and accomplishments could be recognized. maybe that is why i live in a small beach town because it's a place where people know your name. sometimes i wonder if all my moving around as a child and not having a solid ground contributed to my fear of getting close to someone in a relationship although that's the thing i long for the most, to be close and accepted despite all my silly faults and a quick temper that easily settles to a puff of sweet smoke. 

other times however i'm alright because i feel something of a global citizen, didn't we all derive from the same place in Africa after all and what is all this silly business about drawing invisible lines on the Earth and water. i love all people and all countries, i think. but what is really lucky for me is that my son provides some stability in my half of the time nomadic soul and some of the time longing soul.